strangers in dreams & interest curiosity
the march & april book recos
Last week, I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Too Scary, Didn’t Watch (a show for weirdos like me who are too scared to watch scary movies, but still want to know everything that happens in them). The episode recapped the original Nightmare on Elm Street in all its terrifying 80’s glory, and it got me thinking about the wildness of dreams, and how little we still actually know about them. I once heard that any person you see in your dream is someone (or a close replica of someone) you’ve seen in real life—even if it was just in passing on the sidewalk, even if you could never pick them out of a line-up on your own. Your brain files away the face without you even being aware of it. The reminder that our brains are machines working for us around the clock in so many invisible ways is both humbling and exhilarating. Who are you people, I think sometimes when I wake from a dream with a cast of characters I’ve never met. Where are you right now? What are you dreaming about? And—even wilder—whose dreams are we all showing up in?
One of my recs below, Unwinding Anxiety (by Judson Brewer), talks about the difference between “Deficit Curiosity”, the feeling of needing to know something “missing” (i.e. what is that actress’ name in that movie/what did my friend mean when she said she had to tell me something) vs. Interest Curiosity, “the opened-up wide-eyed wonder of discovery.” The distinction between them I love so much is that after Deficit Curiosity, your desire is typically satiated and you move on (maybe with a wider understanding of someone’s acting career), but with Interest Curiosity, you don’t get that “closed” sensation of filling an information void—because you didn’t realize there was a void in the first place. Instead, you feel more open, expansive, in tune to other new information and ideas.
A lot of the books below have that sensation in common—the feeling you get when you learn something new that makes you want to know more, that makes you think about other things in your life in new ways. And so much of the content I’ve been consuming lately also has given me a jolt of awe and appreciation for other peoples’ brains and their ability to produce work that makes me think about the world with an even slightly shifted perspective. (This is not a TV newsletter, but Severance, Flight Attendant, and Barry fall squarely into this category for me.)
What an absolute gift, to experience novelty and wonder—to know that, even when things get dark, as long as we are still here, there are still opportunities to learn, to evolve, to try new approaches, to grow.
Thank you for being here.
The Top Five
A Swim in the Pond in the Rain by George Saunders
This book is like going back to a college class with the coolest professor on campus. Saunders took his experience of teaching a course at Syracuse and turned it into a book that unpacks not just how the best kinds of stories are written, but how they help us see and understand the world and ourselves a little bit better. I dog-eared and underlined this book countless times and left it feeling somehow more understanding and hopeful. One of the most unique things I’ve read in a long time. (And if you’ve not read his fiction or connected with him before, don’t let that deter you! I’ve found I personally connect more with his interviews and non-fiction pieces.)
Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel
Emily St. John Mandel’s superpower is writing books in genres I would typically not be drawn to and then somehow making them the best things I’ve ever read. She did it with Station Eleven (turning the end-of-the-world novel into a love letter to modern society) and has done it again with Sea of Tranquility—a story one might be tempted to classify as sci-fi (it centers around time travel, simulation, and moon colonies) but ends up being about unexpected connections, possibilities, and how human beings bring meaning to life. This, all while combining the fictional universes of Station Eleven and Glass Hotel (her last novel) and weaving in a very meta storyline about a writer on book tour who may have predicted the pandemic (Station Eleven centers around a flu pandemic and was released in 2014—six years before our current pandemic). Does this all sound a bit far-reaching and complex? Sure, but in her adept hands, this slim novel goes down like a cool glass of water. She is an absolute treasure.
The Arc by Tory Henwood Hoen
My friend Julia placed this into my hands and said it was one of her favorite things she’s read lately, claiming it was sold to her as “a romantic novel’s wittier big sister”. It centers around a dating service that guarantees its users they will be placed with the right match—and that they will be together with certainty 18 months from now. What expectation would this bring to your first date, your fights, your sense of autonomy and identity? A very clever, highly readable (if a bit on the nose) reflection of today’s culture and dating world. I read this within three nights and was bummed to have it end. A fantastic pick if you’re looking for something light and fast-paced but not mindless.
Joan is Okay by Weike Wang
It’s not a spoiler to say Joan—a Chinese-American attending in a New York City ICU whose father passes away in China just months before COVID descends on the US—may not be okay in a lot of respects, but what makes this novel so nuanced and brilliant is how everyone in Joan’s life takes it upon themselves to inform her (in various ways) how they think she’s not okay. Joan (who prefers to spend her time around machines, who is exceptionally driven, intelligent, quiet, introspective, and yes—not okay with many justifiable things) keeps most of her thoughts and reactions inside her head—where we, the readers, get the infinite pleasure of hearing just how funny and insightful she really is. Wang (with this book as well as with her stunning debut novel Chemistry) pulls off the rare feat of sparse, straight-forward storytelling that has the ability to fool readers into letting their guard down, only to be emotionally walloped at the end. She is the master of subtlety, reminds readers that the act of being “okay” is one that everyone should have the private right to define on their own terms.
Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewer
I love my books about the mind to contain actionable tools to try, which this one delivers in abundance. With a digestible three-part overview of how you can begin to rewire your habitual anxious tendencies, I found this incredibly helpful even in real time as I was reading it. I picked it up on a day where I received some news that made me particularly anxious and ruminant—and finished it that very day because I found it so informative and beneficial.
One quick note on this month’s top five and the list below: it was a very fruitful two months for reading. Choosing a top five was tough, and very specific to my tastes and mood. If I didn’t like something, it isn’t on this list—so just because it isn’t in my top five doesn’t mean I wouldn’t highly recommend it! (Also, the top five and the list below are in no particular order :)).
And some more reads if you want to…
Take a wild trip into the history of cults from religious zealots to fitness studios—like a history lesson from your coolest friend: Cultish by Amanda Montell
Spend time in one of the few books (imho) that does “set in Chicago” correctly, and is a loving tribute to the ups and downs of a large, close family (and the restaurant world): Marrying the Ketchups by Jennifer Close
Dive into a solid thriller with a unique plot twist: Paris Apartment by Lucy Foley
Enjoy a love story set in Italy—about the love between a mother and daughter: One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle
Discover new ways of approaching creativity, vulnerability, life: Getting to Center by Marlee Grace
Join the Laurie Colwin fan club with me and hang out in the charming, irreverent worlds of The Lone Pilgrim and Happy All The Time by Laurie Colwin
Be one of the most interesting people at your next dinner or party by learning all about the surprising ways fashion infiltrates even the least stylish lives: Dress Code by Veronique Hyland
Journey across a young woman’s life as she finds a family of her own and comes of age: The People We Keep by Allison Larkin (another flawless recommendation from my friend Christina)
Experience a day in the life of a Black British woman visiting her White boyfriend’s family cookout where the narrative happening inside her mind about what to do with her life is as richly developed as anything happening around her: Assembly by Natasha Brown
Learn how to define your own balance with tangible approaches for a wide variety of relationships and situations Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tewwab
Dive back into the surrealist world of Visit From the Goon Squad and fall down a rabbit hole of a whole new cast of characters and plot lines: Candy House by Jennifer Egan
Learn from years of research and the personal experience of a psychologist on how to better ride the waves of life: Emotional Agility by Susan David
Go on a vacation with a millionaire (with something to hide) and his best friends as they uncover secrets and stories they never expected about each other: All Together Now by Matthew Norman
Embrace a counterintuitive way of thinking about the limited time we all have as a way to take full advantage of it: Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman
And finally, a poem, until we meet again:
Abundance
by Mary Oliver
It’s impossible to be lonely
when you’re zesting an orange.
Scrape the soft rind once
and the whole room
fills with fruit.
Look around you: you have
more than enough.
Always have.
You just didn’t notice
until now.